now is a good time to panic


a terrible date

So I read this dating blog called Adventures in Babysitting… Men. (Go check it out. This bitch is hilarious) It has inspired me to share a story with you. I went on a terrible date once, and my experience will entertain you, so here you go.

As a little background, I grew up in a very conservative area. The guy taking me on a date was black. I am white. In the real world, this is not a problem and nobody cares, because it’s 2012. In this area, people probably won’t say anything (probably), but they definitely notice.

First, we had to coordinate our meeting. He was going to take a break from work for about 45 minutes, and I was going to meet up with him in the middle of running my errands (which included going to the gym). He suggested going to a chain burger place, and I was okay with that, because I could just wear my hoodie and yoga pants. He insisted that since he was going to be dressed nicely in work clothes, I also had to be dressed nicely. Workout gear was not acceptable. I pointed out (reasonably, I feel), that if he was taking me to a burger joint, I am not dressing up. We went back and forth for another minute before he realized that yes, I am totally serious, and then he decided on a gourmet wine and sandwich shop.

I dress nicely, in a pink dress with gold jewelry/gold skinny belt/gold clutch and brown riding boots. I looked adorable. I get there like two minutes late and he’s already there. Good sign. He’s on the phone when I walk in, and when I get to the table he KEEPS TALKING. He didn’t greet me or stand up or anything. I stood there, waiting to be acknowledged for about THREE MINUTES. That’s a long ass time to stand there like an asshole. I begin a mental debate between how hungry I am vs how much rudeness I’m willing to subject myself to. Just as I’m about to turn around and leave, he hangs up. He says hello and I sit down… but still didn’t stand up or pull out my chair or hug me or anything.

He starts talking about work and I finally interrupt to ask if someone is going to bring us a menu or what. He says no, there’s menus at the counter and that’s where you order food. I ask where the counter is and he points in its general direction (really? He couldn’t walk me the fifteen steps to the counter and show me how this works?). I get up and when he stays seated, I ask if he’s going to eat. He said yes, but he ALREADY ORDERED. Are you fucking serious. I ordered and came back to the table and he keeps talking, checking his phone every two or three minutes… because clearly I’m boring.

It all got worse from there. I mentioned that this was in a conservative, racist, republican area. As we’re eating, some lady and her husband come in. She stares at me, then my date, them me, then my date. Her husband is whatever about it, but she’s clearly upset. My date busts out all loud with ‘YES, SHE’S WHITE AND I’M BLACK. IS THAT OKAY?’ Jesus fucking Christ.
I don’t feel I need to keep going with this. You get the idea. It was terrible. That is all for today. Reliving my crap date was punishment for abandoning you guys for a while. I missed you, and it’s nice to be back.

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