now is a good time to panic

culinary wonder part VII
11 October 2012, 12:00 pm
Filed under: food! | Tags: , ,

…continued from culinary wonder part I, part II, part III, part IV, part V and part VI


Nobody knows why the German has put in his notice. Theresa has been working off the clock to help keep up with the workload, and she runs into him one night. The German asks to speak to her ‘about life’ sometime at the end of the week. She already has 100,000 things on her mind and is trying to maintain her sanity. She steps outside to smoke and tries to figure out what the hell he’s talking about. Finally her impatience gets the better of her and she texts him, begging to know what’s going on. She gets a smiley face in response and is told that he’ll see her in two days. Two anxious days come and go, and they meet in the employee cafeteria for their talk. 


The German asks her what her life’s plans are. Theresa responds that she’s not planning on staying the the resort for much longer, especially now that he’s leaving. She doesn’t agree with how the place is run, how overworked the employees are, and she’s worried about snapping. She doesn’t mind working hard, and for long hours, but she does mind being taken advantage of, and she’s concerned about the direction that the resort is heading. He told her he understands exactly where she’s coming from. The German is opening up his new chain of restaurants, and he wants Theresa to join him. She just needs to keep her chin up and bide her time there for a few more months.


The German left a month after the court ordered appointments ended. Everything at work began going downhill, and Theresa started drinking again to deal with the stress.Now that she’s started drinking again, it’s game on. She picked up right where she left off, drinking before work, over lunch, and to straight blackout every night when she got off.


opiates vs sex
13 September 2012, 12:00 pm
Filed under: food!

So we all know that chocolate stimulates the same pleasure centers in your brain as sex does. This is old news. Not particularly exciting news to me, but okay. I can see that. Especially when I find myself presented with a little display rack of Godiva dark chocolate with raspberries while I’m out shopping. That shit is INCREDIBLE. It’s really the only chocolate I can get legitimately excited about.

Today, I found out something more. Something that EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

I recently found out that the casien in cheese is chemically similar to opiates.

Well, that explains it. I LOVE cheese. I would take cheese over chocolate any day of the week. Going my by own (possibly convoluted) logic, I would clearly rather go to an opium den than a whorehouse. Interesting.
Here’s the science:

“The primary protein in milk is casein. When the human body digests casein, it produces casomorphins, which have an opiate-like effect on humans. Because cheese is denser than, for example, milk, the casein is more heavily concentrated, meaning that eating cheese produces a larger amount of casomorphins in the body compared to eating other dairy products.”

(whole story found here)
The rest of the article goes on to worry about calories and to recommend that the next time you are in the dairy aisle, to opt for a yogurt. Heresy! Nobody cares about calories when it comes to cheese. Well, I don’t anyway. I guess the rest of you might. But anyway, how interesting is that? I had no idea. This doesn’t make me want to give cheese up or anything. Hell, I’m not even going to view it with suspicion.


squids dig bass
26 August 2012, 12:00 pm
Filed under: food!

So I was reading on yahoo yesterday that scientists hooked up a Longfin Inshore squid with electrodes to an iPod nano and played Cypress Hill. I have no idea why they chose ‘Insane in the Membrane’, but I think it’s awesome that they did. The squid’s skin possesses pigmented cells (chromataphores) colored in yellow, red, and brown. When the cells contract, the color beneath is revealed. The video is viewed as an 8x zoom under a microscope.

Here’s the full story.

chocolate covered pretzels

Okay, welcome to today’s post about some more awesome shit. I know that you can order pretty much anything through the mail. I have sent many a Mother’s Day bouquet through ProFlowers and it was easy to do and made my mom happy.

Did you know you can do the same thing with GOURMET CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS?! When I found the site for Dylan’s Candy Bar, I was SO EXCITED. (Full disclosure: I’m pretty sure I drooled on myself a little bit when I realized they come in toffee flavor, because we all know that toffee is the best flavor of absolutely everything ever.)

Is this not the most delicious looking shit you have ever seen in your entire life? Seriously, people. Seriously. Click on the link or pick up the phone and spend $24 to make someone you love fat and happy. I got chocolate covered strawberries in the mail once and I was deliriously happy for like two weeks straight. Trust me on this.

whiskey and ice cream

Hello, my people! Welcome to today’s episode of awesome shit. Today we’re covering something amazing called Fireball Whisky. Have you ever heard of this shit? IT’S EFFING AMAZING.

Before I begin, I need to put something out there. I am not typically a heavy drinker. Beyond a few beers at a weekend BBQ or a Redbull/vodka at an open bar, I’m pretty girly when I choose to imbibe. I typically stick to things that are damned near impossible to get drunk on; drinks like Moscato, Amaretto sours, Malibu and pineapple juice. You know. Things like that. Whiskey is so far beyond my normal experience that I normally don’t even consider it. I don’t have a lot of hard and fast rules in life, but a strong one for me is that I don’t put anything in my mouth that smells like a homeless guy. That typically goes for whiskey.


My friend Danny and I recently went to see the movie Ted. *side note/fun fact about Ted: did you know that Mark Wahlberg has a third nipple that they had to airbrush out when he did his Calvin Klein ads? What a juxtaposition of weird and sexy. Recently he declared that he won’t have it surgically removed because he ‘kind of likes it’.

After the movie we decided to kill the remainder of his bottle of Fireball. We began with shots and progressed to milkshakes. We found a recipe on Fireball’s website called ‘Fire and Ice Cream’. It consists of milk, Fireball Whisky, and vanilla ice cream. Throw it in a blender and enjoy your delicious concoction.  It was fabulous.


Official recipe!

1.5 oz Fireball

3 scoops vanilla ice cream

1/2 c of milk

splash of vanilla extract

Blend that shit up and enjoy.


(full disclosure: I’m pretty sure that Danny put a hell of a lot more than 1.5 oz of liquor into our milkshakes. Just so you know. Do not feel mandated to be stingy with the booze just because the recipe says so.)

Stay tuned for more Danny in tomorrow’s post. You know you want him. All women do.


loaded baked potato soup

On Thursday night my friend Danny came over for dinner. We were stationed together in Japan, and had plenty of stories to tell… mostly after the kids had already left the table. For dinner I made a big pot of loaded baked potato soup. When I told Abbey what I was making, she got really excited so I thought maybe I’d share my recipe. I’m not good with exact amounts, so I guesstimated pretty much everything.


potatoes/soup mix

package of bacon



shredded cheddar






salt, pepper, and whatever else sounds good

First, the base. I like to use two packages of Bear Creek Country Potato Soup Mix, but couldn’t find any at Walmart on Wednesday… and didn’t feel like shopping around. Instead I ended up baking a dozen potatoes in the oven in tin foil and dicing them up, then tossing them in a big ass pot with a few cups of milk. Three or four cups, I think. Liberally throw in some salt and pepper and turn the burner on low so it can start to cook.

I like to throw in chicken and broccoli, too, that way the soup is a whole meal. I diced and sauteed about 2.5 lbs of chicken and seasoned with salt and pepper and some Italian seasonings I found in the pantry. The chunks were about .5×1 inch or so… small enough to be bite sized, but not small enough to require me to stand at the counter dicing poultry indefinitely. While the chicken was cooking, I threw two big frozen family size packages of broccoli spears into a pot and boiled them. That pot also got some dried minced onion and a liberal amount of chopped garlic. You can never have too much garlic. After the chicken and broccoli are done, roughly chop the broccoli up and throw both ingredients into the pot with the simmering potato and milk.

Fry up a package of bacon. I used turkey bacon, because that’s what we had. I like it crispy; it adds texture. Once it’s fried, give it a quick chop and toss that into the pot, too. Don’t get rid of the grease in the pan. You need it.

Dice up two fairly large yellow onions. I used vidalia, and it turned out well. Put the onions into the bacon grease and add more garlic. You can never have too much, remember? Once the onion starts to soften and caramelize, whisk in 1/2 c of flour, three tablespoons of melted butter, and three cups of milk.* Once you have a nice thick sauce, dump that into the potato pot and stir everything up. Add some shredded cheddar cheese- about 2c.

Let everything simmer for a while, stirring every once in a while so that nothing burns and sticks to the bottom of the pot, because that’s gross. Once everyone is hungry, then serve it up, throw some shredded cheese on top, and dig in.

Sorry about the approximations. That’s just how I cook. :)

*instead of the 3T melted butter and 3 c milk, you can use 3c of half and half cream. That’s a lot of extra calories, though

stinky dogs
22 July 2012, 9:39 pm
Filed under: food!


I found a cheap little flea and tick repellant from Wal-Mart that I’ve been trying on Kaiser. It comes with an applicator and once a month I’m supposed to put four little drops along his back between his head and his little waggy tail. It’s been helping with the fleas a lot, but it’s been absorbed into his skin and he’s stinky now. I guess we have to get used to the funk or we’re going to have to go back to his vinegar rubs. Thanks for nothing, Wal-Mart. I paid you $8 to make my dog to smell like feet.


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