now is a good time to panic

poor braxton

So I received an email yesterday:

Good afternoon! I just wanted to make you aware that Braxton has failed to turn in 4 of the last 7 math homework assignments. He says he completed it but then forgets to bring it to school. He is also having a difficult time paying attention in my math class. He is such a bright young man and I do not want him to fall behind. Please discuss this with him at home and let me know if you have any questions. Thank you! Have a good evening!

Amanda W.
4th grade math teacher

I decided to reply:

Hello, Amanda!

Poor Braxton. He sounds like a handful. We’ve all been there… typically not until middle or high school, though.

Unfortunately, this is the wrong email address. I don’t have any children. My house is clean and quiet, I cook gourmet meals instead of chicken nuggets, I drive a nice car instead of a minivan with Cheerios mashed into the floorboards and juice stains on the seats, and I can afford vacations to Paris, Greece, and Hawaii instead of Disney World.

Have you considered squirting him in the face with a spray bottle of water and shouting ‘NO!’ when he fails to turn in his assignments? It worked for my dog when I was training him to stay off the couch.

Good luck!


…she has not yet replied.


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You really should not torture teachers; they have a hard enough time coping with rotten kids let alone your bizarre messages, naughty girl!

Comment by susan

Oh my heck, this cracked me up!!!! Did the teacher ever respond to your email?

Comment by triing2survive

Oh…my…hell! This is why you’re my hero. You are such a B! Lmao!

Comment by alfg610

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