now is a good time to panic

more adventures on the bus

I was lucky enough to have another memorable experience to share with my faithful readers THE SAME DAY as my old man stoner story happened. You lucky people, you!

This story is pretty gross, though. Brace yourselves.

I got on the bus and it was pretty crowded. Normally I set my phone to buzz me when we’re close to my stop and then spend the rest of the trip reading, but this time it was standing room only. As the bus slowly emptied, I would gradually make my way to the rear, where the desirable seats are. ‘Desirable’ meaning that nobody is banging their purse into my face while I’m seated or assaulting my senses with their malt liquor infused perspiration.

I finally made it to the back to the bus and sit down. Before I could dig out my kindle, I realized that there was something going on in the middle of the bus, but my view is blocked by commuters. Rising halfway out of my seat, I catch a glimpse of a homeless man furiously masturbating while about eight distressed Japanese tourists try to pretend that they don’t notice. Which is impossible, as everyone is pretty much crushed up against each other.

This only went on for two stops, though. Some random guy boarded and saw what was going on, then kicked the homeless diddler off at the next stop. The tourists were relieved, the locals were rolling their eyes and going back to their cell phones, and all I could do was shake my head and start reading. The random man was hailed as a hero and we all went about our respective days.


5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Get out!!
You need to start riding a bike; whenever you step on a bus, a wind kicks up and innocent people become disturbed crazies. I f you were on a bike, you could wave to them from the road, They might throw you money or sing you a love song.
Truly, tell me you have been lying about these crazy people you meet everyday!

Comment by susan

Hahaha unfortunately I’m not making any of this up. I have no idea why this shit just seems to happen to me. I’m not complaining, though. It gives me plenty of literary fodder.

Comment by kathelldorfer

I’ve seen some pretty weird shit on the bus system here in Salt Lake, but never that. Wow am I glad I haven’t.

Comment by triing2survive

If you want I can send the old guy stoner to visit you and you can ride the bus together.

Comment by kathelldorfer

As tempting as that sounds…I think I’ll pass. Lol.

Comment by triing2survive

I'm dying to hear what you have to say...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: