now is a good time to panic

choosing happiness
30 May 2012, 4:17 pm
Filed under: hawaii, life in general, therapy | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I know it’s been a long while since I’ve last written an entry. I’ve been keeping busy, but mostly I’ve been preoccupied. Several months ago, I made a decision that damn it all, I’m going to be happy.

Nobody is going to make you happy except for yourself. No house, car, clothing, income, or mate is going to take care of it for you. I’ve spent a long time making my happiness conditional. I’ve based it on the house or apartment I’m living in, the man I’m dating at the time, the amount of money I have, how fat or thin I am. If I continued to make my happiness dependant on these things, I’d never achieve it. Nothing and no person is going to make me happy and enjoy my life- that’s up to me.

I’ve been focusing on all the neative in my life- my physical pain and mental/emotional trauma, my financial problems, weight issues, daily difficulties that seemed never ending. It hadn’t gotten me anywhere at all, so maybe I needed to re-evaluate the situation. Right now I have a roof over my head, family and friends to count on, food in my stomach,  and clothes on my back. With the roof, food, and clothing, I’m already coming out ahead. Add my friends and family to the equation (and let’s not forget that I’m the center of one little dog’s entire universe), and my life seems pretty damned good. On top of that I may be physically limited, but I’m not in a wheelchair, confined to a hospital bed, or even a candidate for a handicapped parking pass. I will be paid on the first of every month for the rest of my life. It’s not much more than a basic stipend, but it’s something I can count on. How many people can say that? I have my medical care covered by the VA, and according to recent statistics, there are over 50 million people currently without health insurance at this very moment.

It’s time to stop all the whining and self-pity. Over the last few months, I’ve been making a concious effort to find and focus on the silver lining within every storm cloud. The more I do it, the easier it gets. It took me less than a month to make it a habit and now I’m a pro. I was invited to go to Kauai with my friend Chandra. Before I could protest that I can’t afford it, she informed me that it’s a trip with her parents, aunt and uncle and two adult cousins, and they have all gotten two time shares- I have a bed or a couch to sleep on. She used her Hawaiian Airlines miles to get free tickets for herself, her son Jordan and me, and since we’ve stepped foot on this island everyone involved has waved away any money I try to offer. How many people ever have this opportunity? ESPECIALLY since every single person on this trip has welcomed me with open arms. I’m so very fortunate and appreciative for even having the chance to meet everyone- let alone for an amazing vacation to a beautiful locale with wonderful people.

Right now everyone else is out driving all over the island, visiting Waimea Canyon and the salt flats. I opted to stay here at the condo. I’m not physically up for the day trip right now, and instead of getting angry about my back pain limiting this day of my vacation, I decided to revel in the opportunity to relax in the quiet surroundings with the gorgeous views. I read an entire book this morning sitting in the shade down by one of the pools (the one with an ocean view, of course), visited the hot tub, did my laundry (nothing worse than going home with a suitcase full of dirty clothes!), and am now writing this blog entry. When I’m finished, I plan on making myself a (very late) lunch, and then maybe walking down to the beach. How can I possibly complain about my back when I’m having this kind of day?

I know people that would give their eyeteeth to be living in Hawaii right now, but instead we all want to stress out over our coworkers, the traffic, the weather, the cost of living. What kind of world would we be living in if we all just took a lesson from the addict’s recovery credo and simply accepted the things we cannot change? If you’re unhappy, then DO something about it. If nothing can be done, then why are you still falling apart? Let it go, make the best of your situation, and find your happiness. You’re the only one that can.


6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking about you lately. Sounds like things are going well. :) What a good reminder this blog post was. Thanks girl!

Comment by triing2survive

I think of you often, too! :) This is what had been preoccupying me lately, so I thought I would share. Maybe I can shame the rest of the world into being happy, too lol

Comment by kathelldorfer

I truly enjoyed reading your list of all the things you love about your life and those around you. The surprise vacation is a blessing and you seem to appreciate these opportunities that present themselves. Good For You!
Since you have solved the issue of your personal happiness it is now time to turn your attention to world peace! Go girl:)


Comment by Susan

I don’t know how much of a handle I’ll have on world peace, but I’ll make an effort. Just for you.

Comment by kathelldorfer

I adore you. Hugs you tight! I wish I could tell you how much I needed to read this. Keep kicking ass!!!

Comment by Dawn Montgomery

Hey, anything I can do to be of service. :) Also, thank you for the re-post… things like that help my traffic out on this blog, and you know every little bit helps lol

Comment by kathelldorfer

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