now is a good time to panic


buddha and jay z

Buddha said that with every mistake, you are reborn. That’s a lot of rebirths, because damn. I’ve made all KINDS of mistakes in my life. I gave Kaiser a haircut the other day and kinda sorta mangled his fur with the clippers. He looks retarded now, and that’s a rebirth. Maybe for the both of us. This morning at the gym I didn’t pay attention to where I was setting my water bottle down and it spilled… another rebirth? I think I’m oversimplifying here.

What I take from that is more along the lines of the paths you choose, and where they lead you. Every fork in the road is re-creating yourself; being reborn. Making decent grades and playing sports in high school was one, joining the military was another. My marriage was another, extending in Japan, and then divorce. They were all decisions that created new Katies along the way. I’m okay with the person that I am now. I wish that I had focused more on my art, because then I’d be further along. That’s all right, though. It’s another rebirth. You can’t regret being reborn, can you? So there’s nothing to look back on and be disappointed with.

I just finished reading Jay Z’s autobiography, Decoded. I really enjoyed it, and it made me think. I love reading people’s (both famous and not) memoirs and biographies. I’ve seen a lot of the world, but there’s so much more that I can’t even imagine, and I love seeing where people come from. Being raised in Maryland, New York is about a four hour (maybe five) drive away from us. The Marcy Projects in Brooklyn, though, may as well be a whole different world. There’s something that Jay Z wrote that I’ve been thinking about for a few days, and I want to share…

“New York has a thousand universes in it that don’t always connect, but we do all walk the same streets, hear the same sirens, ride the same subways, see the same headlines in the Post, read the same writing on the walls. That shared landscape gets inside all of us and, in some small way, unites us, makes us think we know each other even when we don’t.”

I know that New Yorkers have a bond- they instantly establish where the other person is from, what school they went to, do you know so-and-so’s sister/cousin/whatever. I’ve seen the same verbal dance with my mother, when she meets other people from south Philadelphia. It’s an instant connection, camaraderie. Personally, I love meeting people from Maryland. Especially when I’m overseas, but I still get excited when I come across them here in Hawaii. It’s a little piece of home that’s been right in front of you, and with one question- ‘Where are you from?’- a tether to your roots has been established. It’s comforting.

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2 Comments so far
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That entry was more than lyrical and fluent, It was philosophical, it was introspective, revealing and hopeful. I especially loved your thoughtful consideration of your art. Yes, darling, take all these lessons, little deaths, in stride because with each, we grow and change and improve our world and the rest of our fellow humans.

Comment by Susan

Thanks, mom. I thought for a long time about how I wanted to phrase how I felt. I know it wasn’t as funny as I usually prefer my posts to be, but it was something that had been on my mind for a while.

Comment by kathelldorfer




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