now is a good time to panic

adventures with filipinas
4 April 2012, 8:00 am
Filed under: gymming, life in general, nonsense | Tags: , , , , , ,

So I was reading on someone’s blog recently that they have over 1,000 followers… holy shit. That’s a LOT of people. Someone else wrote that their blog gets over 10,000 hits per day. PER DAY. I’ve been thinking about it, and that’s a lot of pressure. I don’t think I’d deal well with knowing that 10,000 people per day were reading what I write. I would actually have to start giving a shit about what I put out into the interwebz instead of what I do now… which is ranting and raving like a looney obsessive off of her meds, and then clicking the ‘publish’ button.

That’s normal, right?


So in other news… I have back problems. They’re fairly serious, but it’s not like I’m a hunchback or use a walker or anything. Lately (I blame the bike rides to and from the gym), my back has been getting progressively worse. As a former member of the medical community, the official diagnosis is that my back is Completely Fucked, NOS. On Monday I decided that I couldn’t take any more and signed up for a massage at the gym on base. The idea is that I could get some deep tissue action to break up all of the knots that accumulated and been having a merry time spasming and pushing up against my overactive nerve endings. It’s a sad day when you realize that your muscles are basically ganging up and punching your nerve endings in the face.

When I checked in at the desk, the guy told me that the person doing my massage was a woman named Janna. I expected a huge-mangous amazonian to walk out of the massage area cracking her knuckles and doing stretches to limber up. Instead I’m cheerfully greeted by a diminutive filipino woman that is less than five feet tall and doesn’t even seem like she could crack open a pistachio nut. Are you serious with this?

I tell her what I want (results, basically), and she tells me to disrobe, get on the table, cover myself with the sheet, and she’ll be back in a minute. Going on nothing but hope and dreams, I sigh and oblige.

This woman is AMAZING. I’m not even kidding. At one point she climbs on the table, straddles my lower back, and goes to town on my neck. Then- THEN!- she climbs on top of me, using her knees to massage my butt and hamstrings while her forearms, hands, and elbows are busy with my upper back and shoulders. I didn’t even know that was a thing! I’ve never even heard of someone doing that before. It was incredible.

I’m in love. I’m pretty sure that I asked her to marry me, but she declined. Obviously because I did not have a ring to offer her. Now it’s the next day, and (as after any good massage) I’m sore, but feeling wonderful. I can’t wait until I go back again. I feel like I should bring flowers, or a bottle of wine of something. There’s a small part of me that is saying ‘ that’s creepy, and a terrible idea’, but a bigger part of me wants to bring two bottles of Moscato and get sloshed with the use of a solo cup and a straw.

I would share, of course. I’d even bring an extra straw.


1 Comment so far
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That sounds like a heavenly time. I’ve had 2 massages before, but the girl didn’t climb up on the table and dig herself in to me. That sounds FANTASTIC!!!

Comment by triing2survive

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